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  • Archive for January, 2009

    When I Wander the Darkness


    2009 - 01.25

     

    When I wander the darkness

     

    Why does the rain fall?

    Or the wind blow so hard?

    If you don’t ask

    You may never know.

     

    Ask no questions

    Still you’re told lies

    From those with good intentions

    But they have beams in their eyes.

     

    How good to have finally found you

    When my heart was frozen cold

    And the poison of my anger

    Was making me old.

     

    I’m not ungrateful

    I’ve just grown a little hard

    Couldn’t stand the disappointment

    Of watching my dreams die.

     

    In some cemetery round about midnight

    I wait for a long lost friend

    It’s been a long time since we traveled together

    Tonight he comes to me on the dreamscape.

     

    When morning comes and all is done

    My hatred and sorrow are lessened

    My best and my worst

    Is what I take away.

     

    Mmmm…. This darkness

    Dark with deep shades of gray

    Mmmm…..momentary madness

    Soon shall pass away.

     

     

    (SG2009)

    Resurrection


    2009 - 01.25

     

    Resurrection

     

    In the light of the moon I sit so still

    Plants all around me

    The slice of light

    Flowers….seeds….

    Traces of life.

    A wind from the south

    Sounds like spirits speaking some unknown toungue

    The voice of a song I’m listening to

    Reminds me of You

    The Moon is white

    But you are Blue.

    Resurrection……..

    The voices of the moon and stars

    I’ve heard it before

    Many lifetimes ago

    I still remember the tune.

    One day, all the stars overhead

    Will sing their songs

    And wake the dead.

    With breath in our bodies

    we sing the refrain

    We are but flesh and bone

    Feeling joy and pain

    With hope in our hearts

    We have risen.

    (SG2009)

    Anticipation of Spring 2009


    2009 - 01.25

     

    Anticipation of Spring 2009


    It sure has been a long, cold, winter

    I reached the end of my rope

    So I tied a knot and hung on

    Waiting for the relief of spring

    And the Angel in my life

    Changed me into a better man.


    Soon flowers will bloom

    Reminding me of you

    For you are a flower in a world of madness

    And you bloom in the advent of Spring.

    Turning your sunny cheeks up to me

    Your smile making everything good


    Street people will get a chance to live in the sun

    Perhaps finding the reasons to finish their journey

    Flowers in the sidewalk cracks defy normality

    Yet they live because they live

    Spring is in the air

    Everyone wants in on it.


    (SG2009)

    Status Report


    2009 - 01.15

     

    Status Report

     

    I been down on my knees before but I guess I’m doin’ well

    So many in this world livin’ private Hell’s.

    I can’t help their pain I can only do what I can do

    Dad always said “Do the best You can and the rest will follow you”.

     

    I’m in the middle of my life, I can now accept that

    Things don’t work like they used to

    My only friend is a cat

    When I’m lonely and blue , he puts on funny hats.

    And dances until I laugh.

     

    It’s interesting to watch a body decay unless it happens to be yours

    No one can tell me what happen to that youth who had so much vigor

    I’m just coasting down this road, got my clutch pushed in,

    I’m thinkin’ about my younger years and my many sins.

     

    How I got this far is way beyond me?Was it destiny or just dumb luck?

    You Tell me.

    I have been so many chameleon characters, even I lost count.

    Now in middle age I have settled to what I want

    For my blood runs cooler now.

    And I can see clearer, even as my eyes fade.

     

    (SG2009)

     

    Winter 2009


    2009 - 01.14

     

    Winter 2009

     

    The snow lies so quiet in the pass

    Like it has done in the past

    I walk down a trail a thousand years old

    Trying to find a place to escape the cold.

     

    The wind it howls like a song with destruction on its mind

    The weather up here can be so very unkind

    I try to find some shelter and rest my weary mind

    All I can think about is what I left behind.

     

    The mountain it is strange it will do that to your soul.

    Just when you think your life is in control

    Mother nature has an armful of surprises

    That’s part of what and how the future she entices.

     

    Animals on the move looking for some food

    Soon we’ll be all like that actin’ like some herd

    I ‘ve seen so many things but nothing more absurd

    Than a man who has no word or honesty.

    And cannot keep his words around him.

     

    (SG2009)

     

     

    Human Condition


    2009 - 01.06

    When it gets too much to shoulder

    The whole world’s on your shoulders

    As your getting older

    You feel kicked in.

    Ths is but a phase

    to keep you in trance

    Keep you in their dance

    As they get away.

    I ‘ve seen lots of things

    Made my eyes sting

    Made my ears ring

    With the magnitude of its space

    What is he saying?

    Does he really believe in praying?

    Or that Christ will return as King.

    The man has his faith

    It has gotten him through some kinds of places

    He has left with no traces of his presence

    He believes in a religion

    That no longer exists.

    It will ease your pain

    Put the world back again

    But then you will die anyway

    That’s not the goal

    Life don’t stop in this joint

    We’re here to make a point

    Then move away.

    (SG 2009)

    Realizations


    2009 - 01.06

    When the scene gets weird

    And their pointing fingers at you

    Be careful what you say

    And follow through

    When some says you scare them, something must be wrong.

    Did you learn to act like that in some old song?

    Think about what you say

    Or they may go away

    And you’ll regret it all life long.

    You may be right you know, but keep that in your head

    Speaking wrong , you could wind up filled with dread.

    I got my secrets , you got your own.

    In your mind you feel all alone.

    Well I been there, I’ve  been everywhere

    But I choose to be in this place.

    No one will mock me, nothing really rocks me

     All I want from life is just a taste

    I want a woman by my side.

    Who knows how to treat me

    Never will cheat me

    If that happens I’ll jump off the river bed.

    There is the bipolar, which weighs on our shoulders

    I hope we can work the beast down

    These days I’m crawling, trying to get my health back

    Stop the brain from an attack

    Once I acheive it, If I can conceive it, I’ll be on to bigger wealth.

    This is what you do , when fortune frowns on you

    You change your dream and you find it.

     

    (SG2009)

    Guns and the Grateful Dead (Up And Down With The Grateful Dead Scene III)


    2009 - 01.03

    For a while when I was a Deadhead back in the early 1980’s I was hanging out with both the band and the Oakland Chapter Hell’s Angels. It was a strange very, very strange time in my life, I had started to follow the band unceasingly and that took me and my motorcycle all over the state following this band that had saved me from the punk scene in San Francisco. The problem was that I had not yet gotten clean of the perpetual haze and it made me older surly, unafraid. I had many dangerous adventures in this state of mind until I met a beautiful woman who forced me clean.

    I had been hanging around bikers for a long time and knew how to ride real well, camp and otherwise enjoy the road more than the cagers. We bikers, (usually kids my age on rice burners) would stick together in packs going to shows. There was nothing like the rush of riding with maybe 10 guys all looking forward to the same thing you were. A little bit of Heaven for the price of a ticket and maybe mix it up with the Betty’s while we were at it too.

    Hanging with the Angels and keeping them well supplied with the things they liked so much had made a tough little guy out of me. I packed a 357 magnum in my saddlebag (protection purposes only). It was this one day gentle reader that I wanted to tell you of.

    I was at the end of a string of bikes, we were strung out in a line, mostly college kids on some journey between Here and Dad’s factory. I was looking far up the road when it straightened enough to do so and I saw big trouble ahead. A couple of rednecks were taking swipes at the two leaders with their farm truck and these two kids recovery from that abuse didn’t make it seem as if they rode with much experience. I had to do something, it was the bravest and stupidest thing I’d done in a long time.

    I down shifted and had about a mile and a half to catch up with the commotion which was getting out of hand, these jerks intended to run these two off the road. Of course they were just ornery enough that they just didn’t brake and pull over, they tried to outrun the truck. One of the bikes went into a high speed wobble a couple of times. This is an indication that the rider is not controlling the gyroscopic effect of the bike and could lose it. Fortunately that didn’t happen.

    I looked at my speedometer and as I rapidly came onto the truck it read 140 miles per hour. I already had a plan. a passive drive by shooting. About 100 feet from behind the truck I reached into my saddlebags and pulled my pistol. I had never shot anything from a moving vehicle and was busy making psuedo-newtonian calculations as to how this was going to work. I planned to shoot out the tires as I passed the truck at high speed. I knew as soon as I took aim I’d have to let go of the throttle and the bike would slow down, therfore I kept it at 140 and as I passed I didn’t even look at the driver, I shot the front tire as I passed the truck. The truck veered into the right side (Thank God) of the road and I down shifted until  could bring myself to a stop and pull over. I was panting, sweating and I quickly put the pistol away as the two bikers pulled up. “Wow thanks man you saved our ass! Those guys could have killed us. Where did you learn to shoot and ride like that?

    “Nowhere” I replied, “I did that solely because you were gonna’ die if I didn’t”. ” I have never fired my pistol from my bike”.

    Soon the rest of the bikers pulled up and wanted to know what happened. Those two idiots tried to make me look like a hero and a gunslinger and a master bike rider all at once. Finally I said ” There is a lake about 30 miles up the road, let’s try to get there and set camp before sundown”. We had a pretty wild party that night.

     

    (SG1983)

    Where is my King?


    2009 - 01.01

     

    2012

     

    Why there is wars over here and wars over there

    And where there aint’t war things are  ruled by terror

    It’s once again come down to whose God’s the best.

    Crops are failing the earth is in pain

    Everyone washes their poison down the drain

    Shit like this just can’t go on…….or we won’t pass the test.

    Mother Nature used to take care of every thing

    But right now , she ‘s not that strong.

    Do her right don’t do her wrong

    Their giving away jobs that are going overseas

    The other man works much more cheap

    I tell you people, this can’t last

    We gotta work together as one

    Or else this world won’t last.

    The bible preaches that 7 horses will run

    They will bring ruin to every thing under the sun

    I’m not afraid of this so called Judgement Day

    I already confessed, got nothing more to say.

    After every thing is in ruins, He will come from Heaven, rebuild Jerusalem

    I can’t wait for that day, when my King shall have his way.

    It’s not far in coming, all the signs are pointing that way.

    (SG2008)

    Pitstop III


    2009 - 01.01

    Well I have to tell you my friends

    First no one thought I’d make twenty one

    Then I decided that the best retitirement plan was to die before thirty

    And here I still am, so much has changed for me.

    My hair is silver /grey and for the time being long and flowing.

    But my forehead became a fivehead

    As my receding hairline mocked my wish for eternal youth.

    I think “Wait a minute I’m still young”

    But I’m not.

    Time and its relentless hourglass has run on me

    While I was passing the time living in dreams and having adventures.

    At least I beat my Dad by 16 years, but I know what congenital means

    It means I’m doomed and must write as much as I can before  that day of reckoning.

    Life could have been better to me but I am an angry man, bitter and filled with grief.

    Nothing will change until I fix that.

    I am notoriously alone now, kept alive only by the sweetness of radar love.

    Is my mind winning or losing? Shall I opt out of the game.

    Do I owe anyone anything? Is there any reason to stay here?

    These thoughts keep me awake at night, every night.

    Someday this alone will harm me.

    I am becoming stupid, I can feel it.

    The brain disease is chasing down my neuro connections.

    I feel small signs of ineptness, But I must be strong.

    For there is yet a few more tricks this old boy has

    To brighten up the mine, keep my self from loneliness

    Enjoy what’s left of my time.

    (SG2008)